The way I am

February 12, 2011 § Leave a comment

I’ve noted a few things about myself over time. I’d like to think that makes me quite in tune with who I am.

I dislike pretension, and close mindedness. I love trying new things. I adore dancing. I steadfastly hate the idea of eggplant (though I’ve also noted that I’ve had eggplant when I was unaware of what it was I was eating, and quite enjoyed it). I love the color green, the number 13 (and 313), sweating it out in yoga class or hitting the pavement with my runners. And one glaring thing I’ve realized, that has come up in various major decisions I’ve made in my life, is that I rely intensely on my gut.

Both apartments I’ve lived in just “felt” right the second I stepped into them. I parked behind an Impreza one day and decided that it would be the next car I leased. I turned down two jobs based on my gut feeling that the best was yet to come at my company. All based on gut feelings.

It’s proven pretty useful in the above-mentioned examples, yet annoying in other areas (love life, snagging deals on clothes/shoes). At times where I’ve ignored my gut and went ahead where I felt I shouldn’t, I’ve been burned. However it’s always a learning experience I welcome. Sometimes the lesson is a big one (dating the wrong guy), other times, not so pivotal (eating the last few bites of Eggs Benny after your stomach has had its fill).

The scariest decisions are ones where my gut and brain/heart are at odds. The gut, at this point in my life, is an inexplicable inclination to do something that neither your heart nor your brain condone. At the moment, I’m faced with such a decision, and it’s a big one with financial implications to boot. However, my gut’s just telling me to go with it. Do it. Don’t back down. You won’t regret it. I doubt I’ll regret it, but the pre-decision jitters are just an integral part of life. It’s all about change, and how hard it can be, even if it’s for the better. Even if it’s something you’ve wanted to accomplish for a long time. I feel like I’m looking down that rabbit hole and I’d love to see what’s down there before taking the leap, but it looks like I’ll have to let myself fall to find out.

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